Call of the Wild.

.... By Jack London. Just finished it,I read it cover to cover today...  and I think im going to move to the Yukon...

Just kidding. That would be terrible, but that book made me have itchy feet for exploring and this natural born intent of adventure. I need to explore something pretty soon here, but maybe the itchy feet syndrome will be worked off tomorrow as I haul sand out of our play area at the school to make way for grass! I have been super restless lately...
But this is my last weekend in good 'ol CR and I think im in the resignation stage of acceptance. I am just taking advantage and cherishing every possible moment that I have left here. Like, sitting and having a cup of coffee with Bill Green and have him explain to me why feminism is ruining the world and men alike or knowing that any moment of the day when I was feeling lonely, I could hop over to the Greens and be guarenteed to have a conversation. Or how we can sit in the kitchen making pancakes and bacon and talking about theology or something crazy. Or how I get to see my little girls all dress up in their frilly pink dresses and show me how they can twirl in circles and be princesses one second and then running and being upside down on the monkey bars, underwear and all. Or how the thunder sounds in the distance, and listen as the rain slowly, or not so slowly begin to pound the tin roofs. Or how the church bells ring at 12pm and 6pm everyday and Kristen and I always sing along.

There is so much that I am going to miss about this country. And to be honest, most of it is really small minute details that stick out in my mind like none other. I feel like I have been cut off, this trip seems too short... But I should be getting home. Going home seems just as weird and ridiculous as it did in my mind before I got here... In which case I am going to pack as much of Costa Rica as my bags will allow.

"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying."- Sarah Dessen

Nicaragua

Ok, so I know that this is probably about 2 weeks late, and I am sorry I am such a bad blogger sometimes!

So anyways, a few weekends ago, I got the opportunity to go to Managua, Nicaragua and see how the churches there prosper. To set the stage, I was the only girl on this trip and I was shoved to the front while the guys languidly lay and slept in the back. My job was to keep the driver, Bill Green awake. Bill never has trouble talking.... But at least he shared his food with me :). It was a long and hot trip, but surprisingly the border was easy peasy lemon squeazy, we had someone guiding us the entire way. The thing with this border though, is that cars can go in first and they take hours or days to process any semi-trucks so, on these one way roads theres at least 2 miles of trucks. The truckers all standing and conversing or stringing up their hammocks under their trucks in the shade to take a quick nap. It was quite hilarious actually.

When we finally arrived to the church, after getting lost, a million bugs falling into my lap, hitting a bird, and a million street vendors, I felt like I was looking at the Taj Mahal compared to the housing we had just been witnessing. There is a huge and obvious gap from the rich to the poor in Nicaragua, most of the time you will see shacks built with whatever spare metal they can find or wood. Especially after this one big earthquake that hit about 30 years before. The church was located in a tiny street that had space for maybe one car and all the houses seemed to be almost connected by at least one wall. The Pastor we visited name was Isaac and his wifes name was Lilian. They were perfectly wonderful people, incredibly humble and hospitable. They have an amazing story of literally starting from the ground up. Isaac hasnt ever had any formal education in being a preacher, he doesnt need one when God is in control (not that seminary isnt bad), but their church was built soley on support and the people. No one has to be told to clean the church, there is no schedule. People just show up to clean it. The church also acts as a school, with 208 students that attend from preschool- gradeschool with tuition only being $10 a month! Completely incredible.

I was very humbled by the hospitality that was shown to us... even when these people have nothing themselves, they will make a feast for you. Almost like killing the fatted cow for the prodigal son's return. Its pretty amazing. Though I was not allowed to go outside by myself... ever. If we went somewhere I had at least 2 people with me, and they were always Nicaraguans. Im not sure if its because theres more of a chance of me getting attacked for being an american with blond hair... or if they were just preventing the possibility all together. Either way, it was a bummer, because there was no way that I could go out and explore. The one day we went to the market was a ton of fun though, I really enjoyed it. We took one of the busses downtown. They drive much rougher there or something because before I could even get into my seat he jerked to a start which made me just about fall to the floor if there wasnt and old lady there to catch me... But there was a lot more stares, and much less cat calling- which I appreciated greatly. I dont find anything in the cat calling and attention from Latin men to be flattering because theyre mostly speaking to my hair. Plus it can get quite disgusting.

In anycase, the other things I noticed was that they really like to mix mariochi type music in almost every music they play... let it be pop, rock, anything. Believe me we heard it all, they certainly love noise in that country! There seemed to be more culture there than in Costa Rica. I think its mainly because theres less of a Western culture influence. The Western culture is certainly still there... But definitely not as severe. I would love to return to Nicaragua someday to explore more when I dont have any restraints :), and I am really glad that we were able to make the trip!

My mind is a wilderness...

This week I think i've found myself more often than not completely lost in wandering around in my own mind... and not exactly in a really bad way. I have.... just had too many thoughts on a lot of things. I just seem to listen to relaxing music and then let myself sink in. So this is probably going to seem like a ton of random and disconnected thoughts...

Part of me wishes that I would have made my stay until July just because thats when the break is and I am worrying about my kids and how they will adjust to yet another weird white girl coming to try and teach them a little bit of English. I worry that just as they get comfortable with me, they get uprooted again for someone else to come in. Theres just no consistency for them, and I almost wish I could stay, but at the same time I need to get home and tie up loose ends. I know ive said this before, maybe I havent but its been on my mind. I wish there was more I could do. 

I also think that I am going completely insane. Does anyone ever have those dreams that just set off your week weird? Well, the other night I had a dream that I was put to death by the electric chair, except I was still alive after the initial shock but I couldnt seem to move my arms or legs. I think it has partly to do with the fact that on our way back from Puerto Viejo our bus was stopped by the police and they were checking everyones passports... That I didnt have. I was so worried, I am sure I had the deer in the head lights look thinking they were just going to pull me off of the bus and put me in jail or something ridiculous like that. But all he did was say, "next time". I cant tell you how relieved I was to hear that. But I think my mind kept going with it apparently in my dream.... Stupid over active imagination. Good grief. 

I also went running today on my own today... Ive been really itching for a good run for awhile now. I miss my track days where I was running everyday and in shape and could actually run without dying... But I felt like a paranoid lard on this run while dodging land mines of dog poop. I wanted music so I didnt have to hear comments as I ran past so I had to stuff my ipod up my shirt somehow, and the beginning of my run seemed to be more panicked sprint than anything else. Not the relaxed run I was hoping for, but I made it back home alive, hooray. I want to make this more of a regularity before I get home so I can make it a habit there as well. 

I also went all out dork today and watched a documentary on World War II... well it was actually a documentary on Band of Brothers, which I have and have watched at least 200 times over. So much that I can almost recite their lines. I just get really interested in new facts about the wars and history has always been something that I have loved. I love seeing new cultures and subcultures and researching and learning them. I have the right amount of curiosity and wanderlust for this type of thing I guess. 

 And I think that I may have what I want to do figured out... I think I want to major in ESL (English as a second language) and minor in Spanish... I think. I never wanted to be a teacher, adn I thought being here solidified that thought... But I got so incredibly excited the other week when I actually felt like I taught and accomplished something, I want that feeling to stay. Maybe this is what God wants of me? Maybe I should stop trying to decipher what God is trying to tell me, but then again when are you supposed to stop?

And maybe I should do myself a favor and shut my mind off for awhile and sleep.... fat chance of that happening. 

Caribbean Life

I have come to learn that I just... Love the Caribbean. I love the life, love "rasta." Though I could do without the self-meditating  and drugs, I think  theyve almost got it figured out. Things are slower, more relaxed. The culture here is completely different, they even have their own language thats like a mixture of English and Spanish and it just doesnt sound like anything ive heard before. It has a lot of Jamaican influence as well, its just the right mixture of all these different cultures to make their own and I have grown to really love it. Just one day at a time and it was such a refresher to be able to visit that side of the country again this past weekend.

It turned out to be a girls weekend, (which I was totally ok with) Monica, Kristen, her friend Santana and I all went to Puerto Viejo and had a lovely weekend (no pictures, forgot my camera DANG.). The rain hardly stopped... but for some reason I really didnt mind. It was just nice to have found this lovely piece of country. The rain really didnt stop us from doing much, we got to rent bikes for $6 for 24 hours... and they were really cool old fashion bikes that I wish I had at home and were a lot of fun to ride. It was so much fun, you could ride them anywhere and unlike Bocas... there were actual places to go on them instead of that one part! I really enjoyed everyones company, especially the quiet times we had to sit with some coffee and read.

There werent many failures or mishaps on this trip... Usually if we have someone who knows what theyre doing things dont usually go wrong. If Monica werent with us we would be so lost. But when swimming in the ocean, both Kristen and I got stung by something... Mine lasted the entire day, on the inside of my elbow it looked like three little welts and the whole area was red and stung for the whole day. No idea what that was, but it was slightly uncomfortable, and more water made it almost worse. I was also in this next one... While everyone else was swimming, I wondered off a little ways and went in sand and I sunk all the way to my ankles, I went to run just to get out of it and stepped in a bunch of really sharp rocks and got several painful cuts on the bottom of my one foot making it pretty uncomfortable to walk. Today at school I used most of my time trying not to limp around like a dork because of a nicely placed cut.

Over all this weekend was pretty top notch... But I am really really looking forward to going to Managua, Nicaragua this weekend and I WILL remember my camera this time and take lots and lots and lots of cool pictures. My time is running out here pretty fast. But I am trying not to already think of things that I am going to miss about this country and I havent even left yet! It seems to be cut so short... But then again I have days where Im excited and then sad to be leaving. Less than 4 weeks, I cant believe it.
God grant me peace.....

Useless Emotions

The other day I got mad... mad. Not frustrated, not annoyed, not pissed... mad.
Its been awhile since that emotion has reared its ugly little head. What a useless emotion that is. What does getting mad help? What does it accomplish? Absolutely nothing. I kind of had to step back from the situation and think... When I get mad it usually doesnt last very long, and it usually makes me feel guilty and stupid for having the feeling anyways and this makes you a little grumpy to acknowledge that it was probably for a stupid reason, even if you feel your anger is justified. Its just a downward and pointless spiral.

Besides, "A fools mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul" Proverbs 18:7
"Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your bed, and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord." Psalms 4:4

Theres a lot to think and pray about and I pray the Lord gives me peace and wisdom and patience. The future is so uncertain, and I have too many emotions. The heart is forever inexperienced. 

"For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks…. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:34

Safety in numbers

Last night Kristen and I were sitting in our room when I heard a commotion outside. I heard a car alarm (not surprising, they go off almost every hour) and then I heard a bunch of shouting and swearing and scuffling right on the other side of our wall. Then I heard more shouting and at this point I was staring wide eyed at Kristen who had her earphones on and I said... "I think some guys car almost got stolen!" Im sorry, it made me kind of giddy and scared at the same time.
Today we found out that the guy who tried to steal the car pulled a gun out on the owner... This isnt the first time its been this close to home. Our friend Matt had a knife pulled on him right around the corner... The same bus stop we take every single day.

I usually feel safe enough walking around alone during the day, going to San Jose or just simply going for a walk. Though even in the day when Kristen and I are walking around together its just as terrible. I feel intimidated by all the attention and almost a little unsafe, Costa Rican men can shout obscenities at me while wearing a ring, its shameless the way they do this, it just makes me feel gross. I usually dont make eye contact and sometimes this works... but only sometimes.
If I am walking alone at night its usually around the same vicinity that we live. We live in a fairly decent neighborhood and I am not always worried.... But the closer this gets to home the more afraid I am to walk alone places. The attention gets worse when the sun goes down.... But usually the only person I see and greet on the street is the street guard, which makes me feel safe in a way but then again I am an American girl... I just dont trust the men here, not unless its someone Ive met in the school or at the church or something.

I should probably clarify that I do feel safe in the area that I live in. But then these things happen and it makes you think twice about acting too comfortable because these things do happen. I have this thing called an overactive imagination, like one night I thought someone was walking on our roof and I was afraid to look at the window in fear that I would see some perpetrator standing there staring at me sleep. This imagination of mine makes me think of every possible situation I could be in and come up against here. I always have a plan A and a plan B in my head when I go places,  which could get me in trouble.

Well, on to better and brighter things!

Making History

As all of you should know or have heard, the US killed Osama Bin Ladin after searching and playing hide and seek with him for 10 years.
10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths AND
$1,188,236,000,000 later, we managed to kill
one person. Hope it was worth it.
Being able to sit in Costa Rica while history is being made back home was almost like being the fly on the wall. People were celebrating and remembering their loved ones from 9/11... But how can we celebrate the death of an unsaved man? Ive just had this weird feeling all day. I am sorry but this isnt something that I can celebrate. He was evil, of course but this isnt the end. Al Queda may have lost its mascot but its not going to back down. The blind dedication of this one group to their cause has weighed on our Country... This wont just end now. Many think justice has finally been served, but what justice? What right do we have? And what now? They already threw his body out to sea for all we know it could be a hoax.
Thinking in this way will drive you crazy, I know... because its been on my mind all day. Justice has not been rightfully served.

‎"Say to them, As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel?" Ezekiel 33:11