Blues on the Mall

So, since I am now residing in my home in Michigan, this blog may turn into a random jumble of my thoughts rather than informing you on my latest misadventure in Central America. I think that sometimes I have such a overflow of one thing in my brain that, if I have no one to tell or talk to about it then I have to write it down somewhere, and this might just be the place, whether its read or not doesnt really matter that much.

Here in Grand Rapids, starting in June usually, there is this thing called Blues on the Mall. Its always on Wednesday nights at Rosa Parks circle which is swing dance/lunch/outdoor concert venue by summer, and skate rink by winter. This is where people of all shapes and sizes and colors and characters gather to listen to some damn good blues music. Where the guitar cords riple through the air with their bluesy twang, and the old timers that are decked out in their old tie die and Harley Davidson leather jackets sunglasses and white beards, shimmy and jive to the music. As I sat and listened to Vasti Jackson in a too small area of downtown that was packed with people that varied so much in character you just had to laugh.

At one end of the spectrum, you have your reminiscers- the wealthier looking folks in their yacht racing shirts bumping shoulders with the homeless, slightly smelly and drunk guys who have been doing drugs for much too  long to have a normal brain process. There are also the Harley Davidson guys that gather with their wives or girlfriends, and whose life is almost tattooed on their face- I actually saw a couple decked out in Harley gear, skinny as rails and probably missing teeth dancing together. Not grinding in an awkward, old kind of way, but the classic hand holding and swaying type of deal. It was almost too cute, I could have puked, but I refrained. This was almost as shocking to me as when I was in Costa Rica and went to church for the first time and a man came in also in full leather with his bike helmet in hand, just walked right up to the front and started tuning his flute to play during the service. Quite the contradiction eh?
Speaking of cute, there was also this tiny little boy in the front standing on the railing with his little fau-hawk and bouncing up and down in his own version of dancing.

Its almost 2:30am... I should at least give myself a chance to sleep at some point. I am praying that God would break my heart for what breaks his and not the trivial and meaningless things that will mean nothing in the larger picture of the Kingdom of heaven. The kingdom of which, is so much larger than any of us could ever imagine it would be. What a useless creature I am. What are feelings for if not to break you down so that God can build you up again to be the person He wants you to be? All in His timing all in His timing, all in His timing.

Runners High.

Most people talk about runners high, how they love it. I cant begin to tell you how much I have truly missed it until I ran 5 miles tonight in 45 minutes. And I only stopped once! (well, twice because of a ginormo hill). But I am so proud of myself! Most of you dont know, or dont care to know that I am hoping to do a Triatholon in Reeds Lake in August, so I have just started my training for that and I have been running or biking all week. The Triatholon is pretty minor, 500m swim, 17 mile bike, and a 5 mile run. I was pretty intimidated... Until I actually got through a 5 mile run without knowing it tonight!

I cant believe how much I have missed this running. I ran 6 years in High school for those of you who dont know... Though that was more sprinting a mid distance than distance running, so this is something new for me and Ive been dreading the process of getting in shape for distance because its a whole different set of training than im used to... But it seems promising so far.

Prepare for a nerd alert and rant on running:
Running definitely has its perks, it is said to take all the chemically negative things out of your brain and replace it with seratonin I believe. Many times I would go for a run with a headache and come back without one. I usually feel more positive (duh) and ready to take on things that I thought maybe I couldnt before. I watched a documentary on the Chicago Marathon last night, dont ask why... I stumbled upon it and watched all 2 hours of it... ridiculous.  But for those of you who dont know, a marathon is 26.3 miles. The history is pretty interesting on it, it was based in Greece and I am only paraphrasing because I cant remember exactly what the story was about... But a soldier named Pheidippides ran from his city to Athens to relay a really important message to the King or something on the battle of Marathon and had enough breath to tell the message and then died. So that trek was then deemed for heros, and many set out to do that same thing that Marathon did, except not die. (I tried telling my dad this story and he was trying REALLY HARD to be as interested in it as I was, so I give him some credit.) Theres also an interesting story about women in marathons... after a marathon that was for both men and women, some of the women were stumbling and falling over the finish line in such a fashion that the men were completely aghast. They were so horrified that they banned women from marathons thinking them too frail for the 26 miles feat. Until one year a woman entered her first and middle initial and last name, and no one questioned it because they figured it was a male. Then there was an incredible hype when people started recognizing her as a woman during the race, and one of the race officials or maybe the mayor ran up to her in the middle of the race and tried to rip her number off of her and told her to 'get the hell out of my race!' He was then promptly shouldered into the sidewalk as the womans bear of a boyfriend body slammed him. She finished the race. I feel like I am not giving these people the proper amount of credit because for the life of me I cannot remember her name...

In any case, no judging for my nerdfest. I am just starting to get excited for this Triatholon, I just want to finish! That is all. Thus ends the nerdish rant for the night, I am happy to get to bed. Caio!

Back to the land of the free....

I have been back home for about 2 weeks now. So what now? I cant begin to explain how difficult this transition has been for me. In some ways its unexplainable. Who knew that 3.5 months in a different country would change my perspective so much or that I would make so many observations that its just been overloading my brain. I am thankful to be home. Its been refreshing to see the improvements in myself. Though in those 2 weeks its been a constant inner psycho-analysis, I have not felt completely myself and find myself more observing people than actually getting involved in a conversation. However, the past few days I have felt more myself. I have laughed, joked, and smiled- it was like a drink of fresh water.

Its back to being overloaded with bills that I cant pay and pointless- I am going to sit on the phone for 5 hours a day trying to talk to people who dont want to talk to me- jobs. I wanted the challenge and I got it there. I may be going back to school this fall and still try to work as much as I can so I can get some of this debt below my eyeballs. I also may be able to take more Spanish lessons this summer and I am really happy for that because I miss Spanish and I want to continue it.  I am thankful for what God has given me, and every struggle hes given me is under His providence and I am trying so hard to trust and be faithful and fruitful, I just wish I had direction.

I vow that I will be more dedicated to sit and meditate on Gods word, to sit and listen to what He has to say to me... even if its not something I want to hear. I want to be more broken for the things that break God. The broken heart still beats, I need to be more broken for Him. So heres my prayer.