My mind is a wilderness...

This week I think i've found myself more often than not completely lost in wandering around in my own mind... and not exactly in a really bad way. I have.... just had too many thoughts on a lot of things. I just seem to listen to relaxing music and then let myself sink in. So this is probably going to seem like a ton of random and disconnected thoughts...

Part of me wishes that I would have made my stay until July just because thats when the break is and I am worrying about my kids and how they will adjust to yet another weird white girl coming to try and teach them a little bit of English. I worry that just as they get comfortable with me, they get uprooted again for someone else to come in. Theres just no consistency for them, and I almost wish I could stay, but at the same time I need to get home and tie up loose ends. I know ive said this before, maybe I havent but its been on my mind. I wish there was more I could do. 

I also think that I am going completely insane. Does anyone ever have those dreams that just set off your week weird? Well, the other night I had a dream that I was put to death by the electric chair, except I was still alive after the initial shock but I couldnt seem to move my arms or legs. I think it has partly to do with the fact that on our way back from Puerto Viejo our bus was stopped by the police and they were checking everyones passports... That I didnt have. I was so worried, I am sure I had the deer in the head lights look thinking they were just going to pull me off of the bus and put me in jail or something ridiculous like that. But all he did was say, "next time". I cant tell you how relieved I was to hear that. But I think my mind kept going with it apparently in my dream.... Stupid over active imagination. Good grief. 

I also went running today on my own today... Ive been really itching for a good run for awhile now. I miss my track days where I was running everyday and in shape and could actually run without dying... But I felt like a paranoid lard on this run while dodging land mines of dog poop. I wanted music so I didnt have to hear comments as I ran past so I had to stuff my ipod up my shirt somehow, and the beginning of my run seemed to be more panicked sprint than anything else. Not the relaxed run I was hoping for, but I made it back home alive, hooray. I want to make this more of a regularity before I get home so I can make it a habit there as well. 

I also went all out dork today and watched a documentary on World War II... well it was actually a documentary on Band of Brothers, which I have and have watched at least 200 times over. So much that I can almost recite their lines. I just get really interested in new facts about the wars and history has always been something that I have loved. I love seeing new cultures and subcultures and researching and learning them. I have the right amount of curiosity and wanderlust for this type of thing I guess. 

 And I think that I may have what I want to do figured out... I think I want to major in ESL (English as a second language) and minor in Spanish... I think. I never wanted to be a teacher, adn I thought being here solidified that thought... But I got so incredibly excited the other week when I actually felt like I taught and accomplished something, I want that feeling to stay. Maybe this is what God wants of me? Maybe I should stop trying to decipher what God is trying to tell me, but then again when are you supposed to stop?

And maybe I should do myself a favor and shut my mind off for awhile and sleep.... fat chance of that happening.