Today has been one of those days... One of those days that I dont feel so good and just want to be surrounded by warmth and love to get hugs from someone familiar. One of those days that just just thinking about my Moms voice makes me want to cry. I dont think that its entirely because I am homesick, because I dont believe I really am. But all I know is that these weird thoughts keep circulating through my brain.
I think I hit a point today where I was so stressed about the classes and the kids Im tutoring that I had to stop and wonder how God still thinks I am qualified to do this job. How in the world am I supposed to teach these kids? How are these people entrusting their kids in some gringa thats struggling through Spanish?
It still amazes me, the plans God has for you. He knows what Hes doing here, I dont. Im always left guessing, but its always revealed in the end. The end for me is in 3 months. 3. Months. How am I supposed to convince God that I cant do this and that I dont know what Im doing, and its all well and good that He knows what Hes doing, but its not fair that Im left in the dark. How?! You dont thats how. You trust. So, here I pray for a more faithful heart. God, please help my faith become sight. Please help me.
I need to try to be better harder, I need to be more giving, I need more patience, I need to show mercy, I need to cry less, I need to rely on God, I need to be a better teacher. I need to trust God, I need to be confident in my purpose in being here, I need to trust myself.
How can anyone this needy do a job right?!
Mercy.
You aren't qualified but God is! Remember Moses and Aaron? Moses didn't think he could talk to Pharoah and convince him to let his people go, and he didn't think he was qualified either! And God said you are not but I am who I am. And that should give you comfort, the Lord will give you the words to speak to these children. Your loving heart is bursting and God is using it to His glory. I love you girl and I know that with God's help you can have a lasting influence on these children. He brought you here to do mighty things. It just might not look like it at the moment. I love you and am praying for you! Also sending a virtual hug your way:)
ReplyDeleteThe verse is Exodus 4:11-13
ReplyDelete" then the Lord said to him, Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak." and pastor Dale also gave a wonderful sermon on this passage a week or so ago and it was wonderful and I think it speaks to what you're going through! I wish I had taken better notes!